Same Girl, Cuter Shoes!

"When men are full of envy they disparage everything, whether it be good or bad." ~Tacitus

(Nope, I have no idea who that is or why he said it....but it seems to apply here)

Have you ever accomplished something you were proud of, such as getting a promotion, reaching a goal you set, or finally owning the home you always dreamed about, only to notice that your friends aren’t exactly happy for you?

In reality it has nothing to do with you particularly. So why does it happen? Why can’t they be happy if you accomplish something or things are going really well for you?   After all, you didn’t do anything to them.  Is part of it jealousy? Are these "friends" secretly comparing their lives with all of their acquaintances?

Even the most serene among us feel a tinge of jealousy sometimes, but a true friend will put that aside to show their happiness for you. There is no reason for a friend to harbor ill will towards the good things that are happening for you.

Is it because you are evolving, yet they are still in the same exact place, doing the same exact things, never looking for or taking advantage of new opportunities? Shouldn't that be fuel to motivate them to get out there and make things happen, instead of taking it the wrong way all of the time?

For instance (and these have been actual occurances I have been a witness to but they did not necessarily involve me): If I mention that I am excited that my husband sent me flowers unexpectedly and you say "Flowers are a waste of money, they're just going to die."  If I am happy about my new car and you say "Why would anyone need a car that fancy?"  If I finish a race and come in a mere minute or two before you and I am excited about it being a great time (for me) and you say "that sucked, it was my worst race ever" instead of saying "wow, great job!!"  If I told you how much weight I lost and your reply is "You suck!!".....you may be a  FRENEMY(see definition #2).

I, for one, used to be this way myself. I had friends that had it all and it made me angry. I can admit now that I was so jealous of what they had, or what they were accomplishing. I later realized that the reason for such behavior was the fact that their accomplishments or their husband's accomplishments or the things they had only reminded me of the lack of such things in my own life.

Eventually, instead of continuing to complain about all the things they had that I didn't it made me want to work harder to change things, accomplish things or go after things that made our life better as well.  Back when I was going to college I worked night shift, drove an hour and a half to school to sit in classes all day, then drove an hour and a half home so that I could go to sleep in order to work that shift again that night.  All because I wanted that degree.  I also encouraged my husband to go after jobs that seemed out of reach, I spent hours helping him beef up his resume, searching for jobs, encouraging him to get certifications and go after what he wanted. In addition, we also spent hours cleaning up our credit, socking money away and learning about different investments.  Nothing was just handed to us.....NOTHING!!

Not too long ago I was introduced to a friend through another friend.  Though we had met eachother's acquaintance many times, we hadn't spoken to or seen one another in years.  Once we started chatting I noticed something about her I liked right away.  She cheered her friends on in their accomplishments.  She was genuinely happy for them.  I also noticed that she seemed to be very confident and happy with her life, so when people around her did well she wasn't angry or resentful.  I found that extremely refreshing.

I had a hard time accepting compliments from her (and still do) because I hadn't known a lot of people like that in my life.  Generally, if I had accomplished something I heard "wow, must be nice"  or "You must think you're better than me now."  Which in turn made me not want to speak of my successes in front of people.  I was worried they would turn on me because I had evolved and they hadn't.  So I never did, in fact I did the exact opposite and downplayed them.  After all 'misery loves company', right?

I recently got to know another old acquaintance.  I was strangely drawn to her self confidence.  I also took notice that people seemed to think she was this horribly arrogant person because she has this fantastic job, she dresses well and clearly has made something of herself (shame on her).  The more I got to know her the more I realized she was so much fun to be around, stinkin' hilarious, extremely quick witted and laughed a lot.

Oddly enough, with all of the success she has had in her career, she is also the least competetive person I know.  When we run, she is happy just to cross the finish line without dying or peeing her pants.  When I tell her I lost this much weight, she says "That is so exciting, I can't wait until I get there and people are calling me a Skinny Beeyotch too." (Another goal accomplished, which is why her nickname is now Skinny B).   When, every kid in acro was showing off their cartwheel or aerial or backflip and her's got out there and did a forward roll.....she nudged me and said, "did you see my kid rock that forward roll?"  I LOVE THAT about her.  It has also helped me to become less of a competetive person (I said less) and I feel so much better having that burden lifted...even if just a little.

Eventually, after spending time with both of these ladies, I just woke up.  Maybe having friends who were actually happy for me and were strong and confident and refused to apologize for the successes they worked so hard to achieve helped give me the confidence to be proud of my successes, my husbands successes, our family's successes too.  Why shouldn't I be proud of those things?  We worked hard, made sacrifices(huge sacrifices), powered through some REALLY tough times, made tough decisions, went after things we wanted and made sure to answer the door when opportunity knocked.  That is not something one should ever feel bad about.  EVER.  I AM proud of us.

I've been told I am a different person.....and it's true, I am.  I finally stopped feeling bad about how our life has changed for the better, I started taking better care of myself and realizing that I am a great person with a lot to be proud of.    However, I can also say that I am still crazy, I still say "off the wall" things like I always have, I am still witty and make jokes....... AND NOW I am PROUD of where we are in life, because my friends showed me it was okay.

I don't think I am better than you.  YOU think I am better than you.  So, to those of you who think you can't evolve into a better version yourselves because that would mean you aren't "keepin' it real" or that being able to do things, or have things, or care about your appearance makes you "fake".... I only have this to say.    If you are truly content in where you are in life, then what I do or say about my life should not make you bitter or resentful in any way, shape or form.

Now, I may joke that my new career is being a "trophy wife"  (which is actually an inside joke) and I use the term "hawt!!" a lot because I think it's a funny word that I learned from my Southern friends or say "WOOT WOOT!!" when I get excited or acheive a goal.  THAT, in it and of itself, should only go to show that I am the same goofy obnoxious girl (who may have also used the term "shart" in a sentence recently) that I always have been, I just happen to wear cuter shoes.